ABC’s show The Bachelorette is often a great place to witness the impacts of what can happen when you show too much interest. If you have never watched this show, there are 25 men that are trying to pursue and win over the heart of one woman.

Even though it is a reality TV show and many of the situations are scripted, there are real feelings that develop and real interpersonal situations that occur. The show definitely provides an opportunity to witness how people communicate to someone that they are interested in and you can observe how their actions and communications impact the relationship and level of interest on the other person’s side.

A great example of how communicating too much interest can damage a relationship occurred on episode 9 of season 10 of The Bachelorette and it is worth breaking down.

marcus the bachelorette

Meet Marcus
Marcus has been one of Andi’s (the bachelorette) favorites throughout the season. You could say that this could be the result of editing but he did receive multiple one-on-one dates, which is a clear indicator of interest and Andi mentioned how “hot” he was on multiple occasions.

Even on this episode, which is the one where she sent him home, she mentioned him being one of the hottest guys that she has ever dated. But Marcus was not just a good looking guy to her as Andi refers to him as being attractive, charming, and intellectual and that life with Marcus would be a fairytale.

But when it was down to four men left, Andi sent Marcus home and chose three other men ahead of him. What went wrong?

While you never really ever know what went wrong, especially when talking about something on reality TV, there are some very clear clues that everything was great but the problem was that Marcus showed too much interest. Here are some examples that support this theory:

  • Andi mentions that Marcus has expressed that he is “in love” and she mentions wondering if she can catch up with those feelings
  • Andi mentions to Marcus’ sister that he has been so open and honest and has shared his feelings from so early on
  • In that same conversation, Andi mentions that Marcus does seem like he can fall very fast for a woman and she likes that but wonders if she can catch up to where he is at
  • Andi mentions to his mother that Marcus has really opened up to her with his feelings
  • When saying good bye, Andi explains that “if you say you are falling in love, and if I am not there, I cannot put you through that anymore”

If it is that Marcus showed too much interest, it is hard to say what he did that was over the top. But at the most basic level, you could say that he showed too many indicators of interest or possibly indicators that were too heavy.

The Impact of Showing Too Much Interest
There is not a problem with displaying this much interest as long as the other person is showing the same amount of interest. If there is a high level of interest being communicated on the other side, there is nothing wrong with sharing how interested you are and even showing more interest than the other person.

But when it comes to how much interest you express, you want to at lest stay in the same vicinity as if you show way more interest and there is a big gap, this is where problems can occur and here are two reasons why.

Makes Things Uncomfortable
First, things need to be comfortable when you are in a relationship with someone – especially in the early stages. We need to feel like we relate to the other person, we need to feel good when we are around them, we need to feel safe and secure, etc.

Whenever areas like these become uncomfortable, a relationship’s progress can come to a screeching halt. When you show too much interest or show that you have a have a much higher amount of interest than the other person, you begin to make the other person uncomfortable. This can result from some of the following:

  • They no longer relate that well to you because you are on different pages (don’t relate)
  • They can begin to become worried that they are going to hurt you (worried)
  • They can begin to feel obligated to fulfill what you are wanting (obligated)

As you can see, those are pretty negative feelings to experience and it is no surprise that they will have a negative impact on the level of comfort.

Decreases Attraction
Another reason that showing too much interest when dating is detrimental is that it can decrease the amount of attraction on the other person’s side. Attraction is kind of a mix of curiosity and intrigue -we want more of the other person and not sure if they want the same or what they are thinking.

When you communicate too much interest, it somewhat decreases that wondering about what is going on and the uncertainty. You also go from a status of uncertain or unavailable to one of completely available and attainable.

This can decrease the level of attraction as things kind of shift from unknown to known and that is less exciting.

What could Marcus have done differently?
Marcus was perfect by Andi’s description and yet she did not pick him. The only thing you can really point to is that she felt he was way more interested and further along then she was.

What if he just toned it down a bit and communicated he was interested but just not to the degree that he did? Maybe this would have allowed Andi to feel more comfortable and more intrigued and allow feelings to grow more on her side.

By simply metering the level of interest communicated, one can greatly improve the life and momentum for young relationships. DaterPoints helps you to track indicators of interest helping you to avoid showing too much interest.

 

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